this one time i was walking in center city this really older guy flagged me and stopped to talk. i had a weird feeling when his words seemed to mismatch the way he was holding himself and the way his hands were moving, they just felt very…flat. i didnt heed the fishy feeling right away and walked in anyway; it was a sort of agreement to walk through the door.
it was a nice house, had gentle air about him. i let old boy rub my vessel, and touch it with his mouth and his hands. It was a cool temp in this like swank downstairs and i was standing there, just standing bare he was real nice too, he would ask to do little bitty stuff, puppy stuff and i agreed, though i was not into it not in the slightest. wasnt aroused or anything, just kind of there – like oft i feel when involved in episodes of “conversation”
i noticed the frequency of “relax… relax”, in a sort of bayed tremulous half-whisper, increasing, like a mantra but it began to sound more and more like a silent plea than anything. i mean i could hear the sounds of the word “relax” but my spirit heard it like “please…”
I was standing there in a weird haze or fog just from the situation i suppose, and i was stricken by this sensation which i had had no reference for and i dont know what to call it now; maybe “resigned giving”(?)
He was so quietly enthralled, like maybe a kid under a christmas tree with their first present of the morning in their lap, happy, and i guess the feeling was like it was I who was doing something For him, giving something to him – and i was, it was my vessel – that energy, giving to his attention – under my volition. my general feel is, “well this is something i can do/be”
When he offered a glass of water is when i became legitimately, apprehensive, and he was more eagerly asking to touch me in further less puppy ways. thats when i said no and left with no qualms.