flown the days have
Grab a star – youll get farther – bone pick: ive got space on it – Scald him right away
Camp coloring – some clue of
My rides left – I would have walked Lacking in sleep – my eyes are more lightly stinging and red than not red
Another pantomime for the aegis
Dwell, if u are in me
Look at the recipes
Reading these old notebooks, i see how i once revelled in words, their sound, their texture, elegance, permutations; they were playthings to me
Honestly im a bit emotional from reading this one old notebook in particular – not because of anything specific about its contents, but rather about a certain quality of content that is not present: flipping and flipping and flipping i have yet to come across, in the aforementioned book or any other ive opened thus far, any mention of queerness – not in my personal feelings, nothing in reference to any crush (of which i surely have had a great many); no mention (not directly at least?) of the sad strain between my father and i, and the rest of my family for that matter. where is it? where is this content crucial to the map of my psyche?
a tear, one tear, has been creeping down my cheek for the entirety of this page; ive just unthinkingly wiped it away
Ay! the sad irony – reliving this wipe-away, my washing over with words! no wonder i grew to hate my fey ways, and my given name
I, the fabled I,
touched & cultivated
by thou upon thou
write away
“personl feelings”
I’s I’s relationship
with the door way or chair
intimate too,
like running with abandon
through feilds of open green
The birds scatter, in play,
they know Me
I writes them forward
I practices their looks
in notebooks
, with feeble words
Did i even know you in our dungeon home?
Could you see Me?
Did you look?
Did I?
“Im here” the Diary says
“Its fine to meet you”
E’en after the fires
I set in the past,
the bridges I burned
to myself hold intact…
The action cannot be writ
that is the one
that must be done
when there is
no room to run
Precious one,
bring more pain;
I was loth,
before, to say:
just in case
you didnt know:
I know i am equipped
to let you go