Category: ＮＯＮＦＩＣＴＩＯＮ

the Great Sisterhood

the other interesting thing abt taking dance classes is that I get to experience the blessing of being around girls and women. it’s almost like a second home – no, more like a refuge. from the patriarchal world.

From sprightly elementary school girls to gentle women in their winter years, each room is occupied and warmly colored with feminine energy, the magnitude of which I can’t remember the last time I experienced.

I’ve only seen one man-seeming person here. it was not a technique class like many of the others. Other than that one person, the establishment seems to be primarily women-owned and operated.

With feelings of refuge also come feelings of belonging, even if by a stretch:

even people of different ethnic, historical, cultural (etc) backgrounds from the same ruined or war-torn regions, if they are refugees, will often apprehend their connexion like a fine golden thread through piles of ash, and bond on this basis alone. when the world outside this secret one becomes hostile and\or uninhabitable, the parameters of our ey3s is modified to seek belonging, protection, safety and stability.

I feel part of the Great Sisterhood, yet cannot ascertain my place. Perhaps it is merely a matter of having to live in between worlds, and learning not to resent this invisible abode. In the world of Men, there is only a crumbling statue, an image or effigy where a son was expected to be. And I can never return to that vicinity.

the pleasure principle

What is guilt… Guilt is a feeling (akin to?/like/) /of remorse; usually the feeling is accompanied by the desire to take something back one has done, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Guilt is the feeling resulting form doing something – intentional or not – which one feels is ‘wrong’; not because society says that it is wrong, but rather in the aftermath of the action, one feels the feeling of it having been wrong (for them, to them, or to their sensibilities)

What is pleasure? It is more than feeling ‘good’, itself mostly a relative term. pleasure is definitive, recognizable, distinct among things or other feelings that are ‘good’. one may not like the taste or sensation of taking vitamins, but something in them tells them that it is ‘good’ to do so, despite not feeling any ready pleasure in the action

Pleasure is not limited to actions that may be socially acceptable or socially thought of as ‘good’; laying in bed all day can be a pleasureful experience; shoplifting brings some people pleasure; being cruel to others brings some people pleasure; for others pleasure is the remembrance of God/Krishna/etc. for others pleasure is sex (and for some, it is only sex)

But really, deep down / ‘at the end of the day’, pleasure is a very natural and necessary mechanism or sensation that helps us maintain a sort of psycheo-emotional homeostasis, or it could be called the thing at the heart of a thing or things that helps us ‘get thru the day’. the buddha might disagree(?), but i feel that we need pleasure like a car needs antifreeze. we need it like music requires silence [in order to operate/function at all]. And, to that point, it is also mere parcel to the grander picture of what it is to be an existent entity on earth. ALL animals achieve pleasure, all animals…though, they may not necessarily seek in the way humans do; it is to the discredit and disadvantage of humans that they sometimes make it the sole driving force for their lives, and in doing so easily fall into despair and suffering. pleasure is also suffering.

 

~ ~ ~

 

I suppose my particular “guilty pleasure’ is a bit more of an expansive one.

As i do from time to time, i have a little microdosey size of lsd in the middle of the day. some may say…dont do that thing, or i thought you were looking for jobs or anythisuch. but i have a first and foremost obligation to myself as an artist and, well, let that be my identity. 

Lets not go so fast; i didnt take lsd just as matter of pleasure, i also did it out of necessity. like, i need to do this and put this wonderful plant medicine into my body, which loves it and craves it, like a car craves gas or coolant or fuel or clutch fluid. it needs it, so i say nothing. it is action. i never hallucinate, so, maybe thats to my benefit lol. thinking, drifting to dance, which i shall do, touch which i shall do. this particular pleasure sets my mind aright, lets me see things that…or in ways that i might not otherwise look, because of dolor, depression, inactivity, sloth, disbelief, sense of unworthiness of even being in the world, but, i sort of digress. im listening to a sexy mix. i do the lsd because everything is here. i feel it, living, alive, breathing: my sex, my ancestors, my art, my heart

 

short dance critique, ‘Billy Elliot’

 

“Yeah. Like electricity.”

 

In the kitchen scene, Billy (and something which he explains later in the movie), being on the spot, both figuratively and literally when his brother set him atop the table to dance in front of everyone, transports into the place where his Dance is, as I’ll call it, and performs one of the best dance scenes I have ever seen in my whole life, the likes of which I’ve never seen. Everything about it, from the way it began, to the presentation (the locations and interactions with those locations, to a clearly impeccable display (and revelation (to the viewer) of Billy’s burgeoning talent,

I feel like Billy transcended time (also), because this was a piece that was very much about what is inside of Billy, but also him holding it in for so long; many of his actions and dance movements were sharp thrashing out like flames under pressure, or gripping his body or gesturally like he was holding something back that wants fervently to be let out. The dance, furthermore, is somehow tinged with a touch of “magical realism” that gives the sequence a super subtle dreamlike sense.

I was going to call it abstract at first, but later realizing that it is kind of both a Theme and an abstract piece at the same time, but for the sake of choosing one I chose theme over abstract. ( The first half indeed has many moments that seem to be movement for movement sake, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the director asked Billy’s actor to improvise parts of the dance.) The actor who plays Billy performed amazingly in this piece, which I feel added a crucial thread to the entire narrative of the film.

One of the things I love the most about Billy’s character is that he’s so honest, not just in his every day relationships, but also with himself, always having the resolve and fortitude at any point to keep doing what his heart is telling him to do. He lives by his emotions, and I feel that by this particular dance sequence the audience is treated to a secret performance of part of Billy’s spirit and/or inner-life; and it is this very dance that Billy in a way seems to unintentionally reference toward the end of the movie, when one of the auditioners asks Billy what he feels when he dances. This is what the audience gets to see in this dance, and I believe the whole presentation of it was absolutely impeccable, both unto itself and as part of the greater scheme of the film.