Category: diary lol

from youth—
people being interested in me outside of family members doing and saying family things.

then formative adolescence: most interaction was either to make fun or find fault or do harm.

i don’t understand strangers approaching me.

what are you getting at?

whats the catch?

—- look at them go. instead of being finished say something about something
.connect to the internet.
connection established**
the one taking who talks fast like on coke goes out to smoke.
wears a shirt, t-shirt black, graphic on front with red sun and some cartoon characters

—- i become surprised when people arent using me. when that’s not coming around.

— there are many people smiling here in echo park.
many of them, i suppose, have a lot to talk about, or at least a lot to say.

i can barely lift my head, i can barely open my eyes.
i can barely stay alive.
that doesn’t say much for thriving.
striving is not the same thriving.

— i stopped using the word “i’ in my youth.

— i can barely poem my eyes.

— i’m really hardcore. i had bareback sex in my car with a person i had met 10 minutes beforehand in a cafe. he was argentinian. he said “i cum for you”. i wanted to lap it up but that was crossing the line for me at the time.

— continuity to life? whats the score?

somewhere in these afterthrows – a feeling
    i have not felt in some time

    and i feel i must admit it.

    it is regret

    . yes, i think this is what this is
    it is like
        having made a meal for oneself

        made with what ingredients for it remaining in the kitchen
        then spilling the meal on the way to the table

    it feels of a similar wavelength to shame, perhaps a little slower

    the feeling like one needs to say sorry to G-d

    its the piss bottle that splashes yalittle when finally going to dump it out

My bike has a flat. i feel great btw
I feel like sex is a special dimension that is also very dangerous

    I kept my ear to the force, and feel differently of “fun”(?)

    I like comic books; the stories inspire me and i feel the aloneness which nods at me