Category: diary lol

I dont know what to do when Im not at work — took my first abilify today, about an hour ago in the parking lot. I’d just woken up to the car getting very warm (Were it not hot & stuffy and I had not to pee i would have stayed) / I dont feel any different yet, but its supposed to take some time anyway /

My rage toward the white tragedy that is this society seems to be in an abated state, a sort of sad ambivalence, yes.

I guess it’s very telling that the very first thought i had when i extracted the bottle from the bag was to o.d. — the fact that i first saw just another avenue toward ending this present incarnation

Dream: hiding under some table in a semi-mansion type house-seems like an old pink panther move — Im some kind of ninja or somesuch; that is my job, to stalk this old white guy — but he spots me (I have a partner, a twin, somewhere else in the house or room)

What if Toph does decide to come out here after all — it’ll be a grand experiment for sure. they want to build a temple with me; describing it in such a lovely way i was intrigued.

Ive never had the desire to co-pregnate someone until i met them. very aroused just thinking about it – our biologies though…

The challenge (among many im sure) will be for them to maintain their lucidity and give me space when i need it. we’ll probably fight too – but maybe in a fun way(?) They have until the end of the week

~ ~ ~

Back to work in a few minutes. Maybe things will be different(?) lol Yes, “new Year, new you”, something like that

Watch what thou sayest in the open air,
as well thy gaze,
so oft drawn to follow what seems
so fair to thine mirey eye

Great One, let not my organs weigh me to the sunken deep of fallen souls and carnal slaves. the body is not the master, thou art the Master, Divine and Secret Super Self, Hare Krishna

“This is the last song I will ever sing.”

– Morrissey

Morrissey, i’d say shame on you, but i see youre just an old fool. You dont understand this world and now it understands you very well. Youre tired, aren’t you? Good night. I might cry.

 

I know how to do this. just gotta check in with the feels

Feel gross and pudgy – round old age
is a constant thread of thought

Just thought “i wish porn could be a real person”
Not sure what thats about.
Probably my organic impotence

_______________________________________________________________”Happy and sad come in quick succession.”

I think abt death everyday.
I feel Death everyday.
____It hits me everyday —- it’s a force
________It’s a wave It overtakes my psyche & my soul
And sometimes, when i think i feel happiness,
i still want to die
Does that mean that its time?

I dont write poems anymore,
____but i have this sweet pen!
should i feel inspired? ambitious?
____Stay alive just long enough to
see if Frontier accepts my submissions?